A particularly artistic photo of me riding the struggle-bus in my cubicle wearing button up ruffle shirt. And yes that's a poof I'm sporting. I wear my hair up in a ponytail so much I forgot how long it was. And I always feel ridiculous when I dress up in the whole "business-casual" attire. Kind of like a penguin, or a little kid playing dress up. I'm also wearing fancy flats. Fancy because they're leather and have a little sparkly diamond thingy on them. And no laces. Shoes without laces exist? Who knew. Considering I have 10+ pairs of shoes with laces, and about 2 without laces, you can't expect a girl to know these things exist in the real world. You know those girls who walk by in their business suits, all put together and gorgeous and doing the whole cat walk thing with starbucks in their hand and a trendy cell phone in the other? They wake up and piss excellence. And you think "Wow. She looks fabulous. She looks like she's going to kick ass today."
That's not me.
You know the girl you whisper "yeesh" under your breath at as she scampers by wearing aviators, hair flopped over the side of her head, holding a labtop in one hand and spilling an extra large coffee in the other, a bag big enough to fit a small child in over her arm, on her cell phone, and tripping over her heels? Oh, and almost always the sprinklers go on as she walks by?
That's me.
I'm also the one who loses her key card, goes all the way downstairs before remembering her lesson plan, and breaks the laminator on a daily basis.
I often wonder why professors say I'm going to do great things in the field and I have great potential. To me? I'm a walking disaster.
Such as today.
I drove my friend to Salt Lake City for a flight to Chicago, so on my way home I made the most of being "in the big city" and stopped at Target, TJ Maxx, Pier 1 imports, Best Buy, Gordman's, Petsmart, and Sportsman's Outlet. You know, for some light shopping. I also stopped at the State Liquor store for a bottle of Flipflop wine - but that's totally unrelated.
So there I am in Target and this should be highlight of my week. I love Target with every fiber of my being. I'm absolutely gutted they don't have one in Logan and the closest one to me is 45 minutes away, so I should be making every moment count in what few minutes I have in the store. I should be perusing the aisles, picking out my favorite Mossimo tank tops, and stocking up on crafty things.
And what do I do instead?
I have a small meltdown from being overwhelmed from moving into my first "big girl" apartment. I started thinking about all the stuff I have to get for it to be a functional apartment that's presentable to general public.
Like placemats. And bath towels. And a vacuum. I never thought about buying a vacuum before. And now suddenly I'm wishing I had paid attention to all of those Dirt Buster infomercials as a kid. Why didn't I realize that those would be vital to my life some day!?
So there I go freaking out in between the blenders and the mixers.
Apparently I looked so frazzled that a kind old stranger helped me pick out a blender. Yes, I bought a blender. Why? Not quite sure. Maybe it was my inner Id telling me I'd be making a lot of margaritas in the next month and to prepare myself for what was to come. So I bought a blender.
Probably the most useless thing I could've bought at Target.
And then what did I do? I went to Tj Maxx and bought a 6 pack of wine glasses. And in the parking lot I ask myself:
"Self: why 6 wine glasses?"
No answer. I don't even have 6 friends in Logan. I have 4. And 3 of them don't drink.
I almost bought a dog bed, before realizing that is completely irrelevant to my current situation. I also had to steer myself away from the patio furniture. There's something about wicker that get's me really rev'd up.
Once again, pull yourself together woman.
I really do believe all of this is a direct result of my hair becoming increasingly blonde this summer. I've jumped off my rocker and apparently lost my marbles in the process. And I'm still waiting to have more fun.
-me
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