I'm writing this blog as a preface to another blog I'm going to write later when I'm feeling more eloquent. But this weekend I'm going to ponder it in that ever-expanding bean of mine.
Why is it I've spent 4 years in Boston and have no problem uprooting everything and moving across the country? Does it reflect that I'm independent or disconnected from my environment? A lot of people in the world get very attached to things, to people, to possessions, to a place. I'm not sure if it's the circumstance of who I've met, what I have, or where I've lived, but I've never felt that. I've joked that I feel more attached to my bike than 95% of the people I've met - which is sad, but so many ways, true.
Maybe it's the way I was raised. My mom always taught me to be independent, to be able to live 100% on my own, to always look out for number one. If someone was disrespecting me or making me feel anything less than what I thought I was, she told me to simply stop talking to them, to cut them out completely. And I did. And the more I did it, the easier it was to do. Although from a very early age that taught me to really value those who didn't disappoint me, that also taught me to leave very little leeway for second chances.
I don't consider myself a cold person, and I definitely have a lot of people in my life I genuinely like and think are great. But other than my family, I can think of less than 5 people that I would actually miss if they suddenly stopped talking to me. Maybe that makes me selfish, maybe that makes me disconnected. But I'd rather have a few people have a big part of me than have a lot of people each have a little bit.
Maybe it's not a good thing I have no problem picking up and moving thousands of miles across the country without even glancing in the rearview mirror. Maybe I'll look back one day and think that I should've been more open, more connected, and let more people get closer to me. Or gotten closer to more people. But for right now, I think I'm satisfied with what I have. It makes my circle of friends very small, but very great.
More on this topic later,
Love love love,
me
Why is it I've spent 4 years in Boston and have no problem uprooting everything and moving across the country? Does it reflect that I'm independent or disconnected from my environment? A lot of people in the world get very attached to things, to people, to possessions, to a place. I'm not sure if it's the circumstance of who I've met, what I have, or where I've lived, but I've never felt that. I've joked that I feel more attached to my bike than 95% of the people I've met - which is sad, but so many ways, true.
Maybe it's the way I was raised. My mom always taught me to be independent, to be able to live 100% on my own, to always look out for number one. If someone was disrespecting me or making me feel anything less than what I thought I was, she told me to simply stop talking to them, to cut them out completely. And I did. And the more I did it, the easier it was to do. Although from a very early age that taught me to really value those who didn't disappoint me, that also taught me to leave very little leeway for second chances.
I don't consider myself a cold person, and I definitely have a lot of people in my life I genuinely like and think are great. But other than my family, I can think of less than 5 people that I would actually miss if they suddenly stopped talking to me. Maybe that makes me selfish, maybe that makes me disconnected. But I'd rather have a few people have a big part of me than have a lot of people each have a little bit.
Maybe it's not a good thing I have no problem picking up and moving thousands of miles across the country without even glancing in the rearview mirror. Maybe I'll look back one day and think that I should've been more open, more connected, and let more people get closer to me. Or gotten closer to more people. But for right now, I think I'm satisfied with what I have. It makes my circle of friends very small, but very great.
More on this topic later,
Love love love,
me
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