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Sum-more anxiety

I have some anxiety I need help with.
It's not so much graduation...I feel like I took everything that BU could offer me and ran with it (literally...ran...many miles.) I feel like I'm ready to be done with college but it's kind of the 'after' part thats bugging me.
I'm not thinking long term here because I know I'll be in grad school next year and even if I'm not I know long term I'll be just fine, wherever I end up, but it's that thing called summer that's making me anxious.
I know my only option is to get a job somewhere. But where? Do I really want to move back to STL? I honestly feel like there's nothing left there for me except my mom, dad and 2 brothers. My sister lives in Florida, my boyfriend will be in Massachusetts, my best friends and everyone I care about is spread all over the country...Massachusetts, California, New York, Texas, DC...and I don't even have a job that I would want to get. What can I really get into for 3 months?
And I keep thinking about what my daily life in STL would be like and I honestly am bored just considering it. I wouldn't mind moving back there if I knew I had something to keep me busy besides running, biking, swimming, and guitar.
Oh and then there's the whole "I don't have friends in Saint Louis anymore because they all decided to move to places like Mississippi, New York, and Nebraska."

Best case scenario Chris EADs in June and I can go hang out in Utah with him and get a job in a random bike shop and spend my time biking around and decorating his new apartment. But that most likely isn't going to happen. Which opens a whole new jar of pickles: How am I going to live without Chris living downstairs from me!? The kid is literally my other half, and worse than that? He's the half of me that I like best. I get annoyed when we're away from eachother for more than 8 hours, much less a few weeks. Every time we have to say, "I'll see you in just a few weeks" it never happens because we always end up caving and flying to wherever the other person is (Okay, it happened ONCE but that was a month at field training and that was pure torture...and it were up to me I would've gone, too.) But I have a feeling if he's stuck in MA and I'm in MO, flying to eachother every few days isn't going to be an option. Until recently I actually forgot that this was going to be an issue this summer. Chris and I have become such a package deal with everything that it's hard to remember what it was like without him in my life - not that I want to remember. He's just the best. I get teary eyed just thinking about it. How Taylor Swift is that? I'm such a mush for him.

So I know none of you like to leave comments because you like to remain discrete. But even if you're completely random and think I would find it incredibly awkward that you read my sometimes funny blog, just give me some sort of idea of what I could do for the summer...I'd be much obliged. Because right now it looks like I'll be graduating from an awesome university in the Northeast...and moving back home with mom and dad.

Bleak.

Currently options:
1. Move home and find a job in MO - preferably in a bike shop where I can get mad discounts and talk Lance circa Triathlon all day
2. Work back at Camp Miniwanca
3. Cross the country bike trip (Don't freak out, just kidding...kind of)
4. Strap my new guitar to my back, hit the road to Texas and convince Ian to be my bass player for my band
5 ...And then there's what Chris keeps saying which is, "You're going to stay with me!"


love love love,
me

Comments

  1. AnonymousFebruary 10, 2012 at 1:48 AM

    Firstly, don't you dare go back to camp Miniwanca without me!

    Secondly, whatever you decide to do it will all be ok! It's only 3 months, which may seem like forever but really it won't be so bad! Do some time in each place. A month at home, a month in Florida (be there between June 22nd and 30th please), a month with Chris?

    Don't try and rush it away, it might be the last summer you have to really do anything you want.

    ReplyDelete
  2. KatieFebruary 11, 2012 at 12:19 PM

    I GOT A SHOUTOUT. HELL YESSS NEBRASKAAA!!! :)

    Ok, as much as you will hate to hear this...moving home might not be that terrible. You can save a ton of money because you won't have to pay for food or rent, and you can work a lot because you won't have much else to do! (I mean that kindly, of course.) Aka, more time for studying and fun things when you are in grad school.

    And I agree with Kristy--it's only three months. But feel free to disregard my advice, because I refused to move home, too..

    hey, you should come to Omaha....it doesn't snow in the summer, I swear!

    :)

    ReplyDelete

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