Today something happened that I've been waiting for for a really, really long time. It's one of those things where when you first think about it, you think, "Man...some day...."
Guess what people. April 27th is that day. I would have never guessed 3 1/2 years ago it would take this long - but it did. I cut it pretty close to the end there though, I mean I graduate in 2 weeks. I was getting nervous it would never happen. But it happened, and it's great!
Curious yet? I knew you would be - you're so nosy.
Okay well. Today is the day *drum roll* I got to prove to Omelet Lady Nicole that I'm not just another inconsiderate stupid BU biddie!
Impressive, right!? I know! I'm excited too!
I'm sensing you're not excited. Fine, I'll explain further.
Omelet Lady Nicole is a legend in BU west campus. She works weekday mornings and makes the most perfect, beautiful, delicious omelets in the world. Hands down. I've tried to recreate her magic in my kitchen and failed miserably. She's absolutely brilliant, maybe even perfect. Each omelet is cooked to perfection in any combination of eggs, egg beaters or egg whites, mushroom, tomato, cheese, broccoli, spinach, ham and onion. Her masterpieces can cure any woes- exam nerves, hangovers, failing a class, breaking up with a boyfriend, spraining your ankle...the list goes on. It's every desire of BU West residence to be on her good side, which is where the catch is.
The problem with Omelet Lady Nicole is that she's a huge black woman with a sassy attitude to match. She rolls her eyes, ignores your order if she doesn't like you, and will purposely mess up your breakfast if you're rude. She moves onto the next person if you're not paying attention and will leave your omelet to get cold if you leave the line. She gets away with it because between 7 am and 10 am, the omelet station is her castle and she is queen. If you disrespect her, she'll behead you with one of her 3 spatulas.
She's especially hostile towards girls, which is totally justified because 80% of the BU female population ACTUALLY sucks. I'd be vicious if given the opportunity, too. So since day one freshman year I've been out to prove to her that I'm different - that I'm a midwestern sweetheart and my smile isn't fake, I'm legitimately happy almost all the time. And when I say thank you it's not the fake high pitched thank you sorority girls dish out to be socially acceptable, I am literally thanking you for taking time out to make my breakfast.
The problem lies in the fact that up until today it's been 3 years and an opportunity had yet to present itself. So almost every morning I greet her with a huge "good morning, nicole!" a smile and a thank you and she treats me like just another biddy.
Until today.
Scene: Dining hall, 7:30 am, omelet line
It's me and a chick behind me waiting for breakfast and Nicole halted her magic making so she could put out the entirely unnecessary decorative vegetables that line the front of the station. She has a huge box of tomatoes and as I'm texting I look up just in time to see one ever so slowly roll off the station and onto the floor and, literally, hit the biddy in the foot behind me. And Nicole saw the whole thing.
I hold my breath. Dare I say, could this be my chance? PLEASE be the typical sorority girl I have to deal with on a daily basis and do NOT pick up that tomato.
And what does she do? She looks at it, looks at Nicole, and goes back to FB surfing on her iPhone. You skinny little rude ungrateful piece of crap, thank you for being your normal self!
I look at her, look at Nicole, look at the tomato, look at her, look at Nicole and then...slowly, so I don't freak anyone out, make a dive for the tomato like a family of ten on welfare in Best Buy on Black Friday.
I pop up - VICTORY.
And with the most award-winning, Colgate whitened, post-head gear, retainer, rubberbands, and braces, $10,000 smile I know my dentist put so much work into...I present the tomato to Queen Nicole.
She looks at it, then at me, and says 3 words in a way that only sounds right when a sassy black woman says them:
"Thank you, baby!"
I. Am. In.
She then made me the most beautiful, over the top, perfect omelet I've ever had the pleasure of coming across, with a little extra of everything and sent me on my way with a, "Have a great day, hunnie!"Meanwhile she made the sorority girl the most pathetic combination of egg whites and tomatoes ever to be distributed in mainstream dining.
I took my omelet and walked away with a little extra bounce in my step.
Love,
me
Guess what people. April 27th is that day. I would have never guessed 3 1/2 years ago it would take this long - but it did. I cut it pretty close to the end there though, I mean I graduate in 2 weeks. I was getting nervous it would never happen. But it happened, and it's great!
Curious yet? I knew you would be - you're so nosy.
Okay well. Today is the day *drum roll* I got to prove to Omelet Lady Nicole that I'm not just another inconsiderate stupid BU biddie!
Impressive, right!? I know! I'm excited too!
I'm sensing you're not excited. Fine, I'll explain further.
Omelet Lady Nicole is a legend in BU west campus. She works weekday mornings and makes the most perfect, beautiful, delicious omelets in the world. Hands down. I've tried to recreate her magic in my kitchen and failed miserably. She's absolutely brilliant, maybe even perfect. Each omelet is cooked to perfection in any combination of eggs, egg beaters or egg whites, mushroom, tomato, cheese, broccoli, spinach, ham and onion. Her masterpieces can cure any woes- exam nerves, hangovers, failing a class, breaking up with a boyfriend, spraining your ankle...the list goes on. It's every desire of BU West residence to be on her good side, which is where the catch is.
The problem with Omelet Lady Nicole is that she's a huge black woman with a sassy attitude to match. She rolls her eyes, ignores your order if she doesn't like you, and will purposely mess up your breakfast if you're rude. She moves onto the next person if you're not paying attention and will leave your omelet to get cold if you leave the line. She gets away with it because between 7 am and 10 am, the omelet station is her castle and she is queen. If you disrespect her, she'll behead you with one of her 3 spatulas.
She's especially hostile towards girls, which is totally justified because 80% of the BU female population ACTUALLY sucks. I'd be vicious if given the opportunity, too. So since day one freshman year I've been out to prove to her that I'm different - that I'm a midwestern sweetheart and my smile isn't fake, I'm legitimately happy almost all the time. And when I say thank you it's not the fake high pitched thank you sorority girls dish out to be socially acceptable, I am literally thanking you for taking time out to make my breakfast.
The problem lies in the fact that up until today it's been 3 years and an opportunity had yet to present itself. So almost every morning I greet her with a huge "good morning, nicole!" a smile and a thank you and she treats me like just another biddy.
Until today.
Scene: Dining hall, 7:30 am, omelet line
It's me and a chick behind me waiting for breakfast and Nicole halted her magic making so she could put out the entirely unnecessary decorative vegetables that line the front of the station. She has a huge box of tomatoes and as I'm texting I look up just in time to see one ever so slowly roll off the station and onto the floor and, literally, hit the biddy in the foot behind me. And Nicole saw the whole thing.
I hold my breath. Dare I say, could this be my chance? PLEASE be the typical sorority girl I have to deal with on a daily basis and do NOT pick up that tomato.
And what does she do? She looks at it, looks at Nicole, and goes back to FB surfing on her iPhone. You skinny little rude ungrateful piece of crap, thank you for being your normal self!
I look at her, look at Nicole, look at the tomato, look at her, look at Nicole and then...slowly, so I don't freak anyone out, make a dive for the tomato like a family of ten on welfare in Best Buy on Black Friday.
I pop up - VICTORY.
And with the most award-winning, Colgate whitened, post-head gear, retainer, rubberbands, and braces, $10,000 smile I know my dentist put so much work into...I present the tomato to Queen Nicole.
She looks at it, then at me, and says 3 words in a way that only sounds right when a sassy black woman says them:
"Thank you, baby!"
I. Am. In.
She then made me the most beautiful, over the top, perfect omelet I've ever had the pleasure of coming across, with a little extra of everything and sent me on my way with a, "Have a great day, hunnie!"Meanwhile she made the sorority girl the most pathetic combination of egg whites and tomatoes ever to be distributed in mainstream dining.
I took my omelet and walked away with a little extra bounce in my step.
Love,
me
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