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How to Impress Triathlete Girls: 101

While I was sprinting down the Esplanade yesterday I started thinking about how different girls can be from each other. I got on this wavelength of thinking because a girl passed me in all pink running gear wearing Gucci sunglasses and carrying an iphone - now THAT is jogging. To her, that was probably cute. To me, that was definitely stupid. Beyond stupid. She needed to get off my running trail, go to the gym, turn on Oprah, get on the elliptical, and continue not sweating.

Ergo, I came up with a list of things that flatter most girls (from girls and guys), and then translated them into things that flatter triathlete girls ( or at least me).

You are so beautiful --> You are so fast
You are so skinny --> Your calf muscles are huge
How do you get your butt to look so good? --> How can I make my quads to look like yours?
I really love your purse --> You have sick components on your bike
Your outfit is so cute today --> Are those the new Zoot racing flats?
Your new iPhone is so nice! --> Your new Garmin Forerunner 405 is so nice!
I am so jealous of your new car--> I am so jealous of your new SRAM components
No honey you don't look fat in that --> How do your leg muscles fit in those skinny jeans?
I really love the way you decorated your room --> ALL those races numbers hanging on the wall are yours!?
You eat so little, it's adorable --> How can you possibly eat so much and not weight 500 lbs?
Do you want to have dinner with me tonight? --> Do you want to come on my tempo run with me?
You are so thoughtful --> I can't believe you pulled the entire ride
You work so hard. You look stressed, let me massage your neck for you --> You run so much, let me do pressure point therapy on the bottom of your feet
I can't believe you drank that much last night and are still alive! --> I can't believe you ran that much yesterday are still alive!
You're do so well in class, can you tutor me? --> You race so hard, can you coach me?
You deserve a weekend vacation, lets go somewhere --> You deserve a weekend race, let's find one
You so great you deserved to get that job! --> You're so fast you deserved to get that sponsorship!
You're so on top of things - Your transitions are ridiculous
I love your mani/pedi - Your calluses are huge! (I got this one from my roommate once. Gross....but I was excited)


love love love,
me

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