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Bad Week

Do you ever get that feeling when you have so much to do that you fear starting a t0-do list you're because you'll probably just writing forever? Yeah, me too.
Oh and you know when you need a day off to check out of life and breathe for a minute but you know you can't because the whole time you'll just be thinking of everything you have to do and how if you don't do it now it'll just keep stacking up and then you'll have twice as much to do tomorrow?
Been there.
And do you ever feel like the weeks just keep going by faster and you have no idea where February went or where March is going because you're so focused on the next thing you can't even see what's happening right now?
And life is one big resume, application, number, or ranking? And all the while you're trying to get your next step alined, the step you're on is moving backward, like running the wrong way on one of those moving sidewalks at the airport.
I'm still trying to figure out when the day will come when all this is worth it.
What if I wait my whole life for everything to start "paying off"?
I guess it already has...I'm at an amazing school, I have amazing friends and the best boyfriend I could ask for, I have a steady job and a semi-decent GPA (for a school that's ranked #1 in the country for grade deflation). And I got here and did all this because I pushed myself in high school...so I guess that paid off...if you want to call it that.
I just hate that while I'm in class, I'm thinking about training; and while I'm training, I feel I should be studying; and while I'm at work I'm thinking about how much I'd rather be studying or training. And if I do something I actually want to do, like go out on a weekend or shop on Newbury, I feel guilty I'm not doing something I'm supposed to be doing - like working, studying, or training.

Why do I always feel like I'm running the wrong way on a moving sidewalk? Or swimming up the river instead of down?
I wish it were all as easy as simply turning around.

love love love,
me

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