So Chris has been gone almost one week - almost. It feels like a lot longer. Sometimes I check my watch and look at the date and think, "oh...right it's still the same day as this morning."
I've never ACTUALLY missed someone. I mean, of course when I'm away from my family or the girls for long periods of time I wish they could be with me to do certain things like run or go out or just chat. And with guys I've dated in the past once I sit down and actually think about it I get the, "aw...I kinda miss that guy" feeling. But mostly when I get away from past boyfriends it's been somewhat of a relief. For the most part, I am perfectly happy, if not even more happy, living by myself and doing exactly what I want to do every day with no responsibility to another person. I guess that just comes along with being so independent. Or selfish, but I prefer independent.
But this time it's different - and I'm not quite sure why. It's like that feeling you get when you walk out of the house without your wallet or keys...and you know something is off. Something should be there that's not, something is not where it belongs but it takes you a second to realize exactly what.
I haven't cried, I'm not mopey, and from the outside no one would even guess something is off. The day he left I went to work and had a blast, then I trained and went out. Everyday I still work, train, read, lay out, and go out. I talk to my family and my best friends and laugh more than I should. I'm stoked for Moll and Kristy to visit and for my 21st birthday and I absolutely love Boston in the summer - it's the best experience of my life.
He's not my, "everything" and I'm finding out I can live without him being around all the time. This month long bootcamp with no communication thing is actually not the worst thing in the world. I'm finding tons of things to do to fill in the spaces.
But there's always that one feeling looming in the back of my stomach. A part of me is missing that I never knew existed, and when I found it, I didn't want it to leave. And going back to the way things were before he was around just isn't an option. Yes, I can live without him, I just don't want to.
And I think that's what real love is - not the fairy tale, sweep you off your feet, love at first sight, crazy for each other, can't get enough of each other infatuation deal. It's not an immediate physical attraction or something that "drew" us together. Those relationships start fast and end fast.
For me and Chris it was a gradual attraction that started with being teammates. We learned to work together, depend on each other, and develop trust. While most couples watch movies, go out to dinner, and party to get to know each other - Chris and I were cycling, rock climbing, swimming, running, going to fitrec, and getting lost in the outskirts of MA. We walked to class together and grabbed lunch at the dining hall. Nothing was superficial, it was all just very real - it was what it was. We didn't even go on an official "date" until 2 weeks after we were dating exclusively. Our relationship was so out of the ordinary, we forgot we were supposed to do that. When we did go out to a really nice dinner, it was very weird and something we vowed not to do again - we prefer cycling to little cafes in Newton or running downtown to grab a quick sandwich.
Because of what our base relationship was built on, we learned how each other thinks in extreme conditions - such as being 15 miles out of our way lost on a random road in Newton. Or so exhausted on mile 60 of a bike ride that we almost faint. Or running on four hours of sleep in 3 days because of exam week. Because of all this, I found Chris is one of the most laid back, light hearted, rational, and patient guys I've ever met. I've never heard him raise his voice, and he's never gotten mad at me, even when I know I deserve it.
He's the only person in the world who goes along with my crazy schemes - such as cycling the length of Cape Cod and back, or swimming across the lake instead of running around it, or camping before a race, or jumping off a random bridge, or going for a run at 1 am. He's the one who gave me the, "I think that's a fantastic idea" to buy rock climbing gear, even though I've never rock climbed. He not only goes along with it, but he makes it happen. He doesn't mind that I catch bugs in my apartment and go downstairs to let them free. He understands when I freak out over my classes. He massages my aching calves and knotted back even though I never return the favor. He makes even the most stressful and awful days seem manageable. He makes me laugh when nothing is funny, and even when he doesn't say a word I always walk away feeling as though I just had the best conversation.
So that's why I miss him, and I will continue to miss him this whole month - because I know no one in the world is quite like him.
love love love,
me
I've never ACTUALLY missed someone. I mean, of course when I'm away from my family or the girls for long periods of time I wish they could be with me to do certain things like run or go out or just chat. And with guys I've dated in the past once I sit down and actually think about it I get the, "aw...I kinda miss that guy" feeling. But mostly when I get away from past boyfriends it's been somewhat of a relief. For the most part, I am perfectly happy, if not even more happy, living by myself and doing exactly what I want to do every day with no responsibility to another person. I guess that just comes along with being so independent. Or selfish, but I prefer independent.
But this time it's different - and I'm not quite sure why. It's like that feeling you get when you walk out of the house without your wallet or keys...and you know something is off. Something should be there that's not, something is not where it belongs but it takes you a second to realize exactly what.
I haven't cried, I'm not mopey, and from the outside no one would even guess something is off. The day he left I went to work and had a blast, then I trained and went out. Everyday I still work, train, read, lay out, and go out. I talk to my family and my best friends and laugh more than I should. I'm stoked for Moll and Kristy to visit and for my 21st birthday and I absolutely love Boston in the summer - it's the best experience of my life.
He's not my, "everything" and I'm finding out I can live without him being around all the time. This month long bootcamp with no communication thing is actually not the worst thing in the world. I'm finding tons of things to do to fill in the spaces.
But there's always that one feeling looming in the back of my stomach. A part of me is missing that I never knew existed, and when I found it, I didn't want it to leave. And going back to the way things were before he was around just isn't an option. Yes, I can live without him, I just don't want to.
And I think that's what real love is - not the fairy tale, sweep you off your feet, love at first sight, crazy for each other, can't get enough of each other infatuation deal. It's not an immediate physical attraction or something that "drew" us together. Those relationships start fast and end fast.
For me and Chris it was a gradual attraction that started with being teammates. We learned to work together, depend on each other, and develop trust. While most couples watch movies, go out to dinner, and party to get to know each other - Chris and I were cycling, rock climbing, swimming, running, going to fitrec, and getting lost in the outskirts of MA. We walked to class together and grabbed lunch at the dining hall. Nothing was superficial, it was all just very real - it was what it was. We didn't even go on an official "date" until 2 weeks after we were dating exclusively. Our relationship was so out of the ordinary, we forgot we were supposed to do that. When we did go out to a really nice dinner, it was very weird and something we vowed not to do again - we prefer cycling to little cafes in Newton or running downtown to grab a quick sandwich.
Because of what our base relationship was built on, we learned how each other thinks in extreme conditions - such as being 15 miles out of our way lost on a random road in Newton. Or so exhausted on mile 60 of a bike ride that we almost faint. Or running on four hours of sleep in 3 days because of exam week. Because of all this, I found Chris is one of the most laid back, light hearted, rational, and patient guys I've ever met. I've never heard him raise his voice, and he's never gotten mad at me, even when I know I deserve it.
He's the only person in the world who goes along with my crazy schemes - such as cycling the length of Cape Cod and back, or swimming across the lake instead of running around it, or camping before a race, or jumping off a random bridge, or going for a run at 1 am. He's the one who gave me the, "I think that's a fantastic idea" to buy rock climbing gear, even though I've never rock climbed. He not only goes along with it, but he makes it happen. He doesn't mind that I catch bugs in my apartment and go downstairs to let them free. He understands when I freak out over my classes. He massages my aching calves and knotted back even though I never return the favor. He makes even the most stressful and awful days seem manageable. He makes me laugh when nothing is funny, and even when he doesn't say a word I always walk away feeling as though I just had the best conversation.
So that's why I miss him, and I will continue to miss him this whole month - because I know no one in the world is quite like him.
love love love,
me
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