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You're Wearing it Wrong

My mom once told me one of the most important things to learn in life is you should always have a plan. And the next most important thing to do is lay out a direct path on how to get there, and not stopping until you get exactly what you want.
Taking her advise seriously, I made multiple to do lists, both long and short term, check lists, goal sheets, and my ever coveted, "ten year plan" which included getting into a college, working my ass off, marrying a doctor, buying a house in the city...the whole, American Dream ten yards. I practically made plans to make plans.
Just now I'm realizing what the REAL plan is, and I'm going to let you in on a little secret: The plan is there is no plan.
Life is this huge paradox where you can use your reason and intuition to organize, schedule, and map until your little heart bursts. You can put as many sticky notes around you desk and fill every empty space in your planner and meticulously permanent marker cross out each task. I've even been known to complete a task and THEN write it down in planner, just to have the satisfaction of crossing it off.
But I'm just now figuring out, at 20 years old, I never know what's going to happen...so in the end it's a waste of energy even trying to predict because I never know where I'm going to be in the next month, week, day...or even hour.
You never know who is going to step in and boomarang your life in a completely different direction.

Life throws so many things from so many different directions; people and things come and go without warning. You can't judge or change another's actions; you can't change a person, you can only change how you react - and you cant either react by rebelling against the absurdity of life, or you can go with the flow and swing at whatever life pitches.
I've never been one be good at batting, or ball sports in general, but that doesn't keep me from stepping up to the plate.

I try to remember to always step up, even if I don't think I'm on the roster. This year everything has become so scheduled - with training, 2 jobs, and school, that sometimes I forget that I'm only 20 years old, and it's okay to lay in bed until 11 and then eat and drag out the morning laying on the BU beach. It's fine to sit and blog for a couple minutes out of my day while enjoying my break at the lab. I don't have to do China research all the time. It's perfectly justified if I want to eat dinner with my girls instead of training, and yes I'm going to eat three desserts and not beat myself up TOO much...because believe it or not my jeans will STILL fit in the morning.
And then I decided, planned or not planned, it's awesome to have people around who remind me that even though I have a bajillion commitments being thrown at me from all directions, it's okay to lay down for a bit.
I'm well aware the best people I know are the ones that push me past my limits, but the even better ones are the people who tell me to slow down when I forget what that means.

love love love
me

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