Love the Life you Live, Live the Life you Love

Sitting in my dorm surrounded by boxes I can't believe it's really over. Yesterday my dad was hanging my cork boards on the wall and today I'm taking them off. Saying goodbye to my parents back in September wasn't even hard - I didn't even cry, maybe because I knew I was going to be okay. Little did I know I would be so much better than okay. I had no idea what I was in for walking back into the dorms with no one beside me and tomorrow when I walk out I'm happier than I could have ever imagined. The single best thing that happened to me this year was meeting my sisters, I literally can't even begin to explain how these three girls have changed me. I've never had such a connection with three other people. It's amazing to know that no matter what happens to me these girls have my back. They are my absolute everything and the rest of my life they are going to be my rocks. I've heard about creating your own family, but I never knew what it truly mean...

I'm so tired of trying to think long term. I always make judgements based upon the future and other people's views - even when it comes to something as simple as texting. If I text back right away he'll think I'm too available. If I text back too late he'll think I'm not interested. If I say this she'll think this about me. If I do this she'll judge me based upon that. I'm so tired of it. If I change my mind one more time he's going to kill me. If I don't go to the gym today my coach will think I'm not serious about the triathlon team. If I eat dessert for dinner I won't be healthy.  So from now on I'm just going to make decisions based upon what makes me happy. Life is too short to dwell on other people's opinions and if they make judgements based about me based on trivial things such as time intervals between texts then they are not worth my time anyway. So let's make a toast to being happy. Love love love, me

Yesterday was probably one of the best days I've had in a really long time. It was one of those days where everything just seemed to go my way, exactly the way I would have pictured it had it been the quintessential perfect day. I woke up slightly sore because I had a 3 hour triathlon training session. I love waking up sore because I feel like I actually accomplished something and I've gone further than I did the day before. I actually pushed to exceed what I had thought my limits were and there's nothing better than that feeling. So I woke up knowing that my first class for the day was cancelled so I got to have breakfast with B and Al - always the perfect start to my day, if only  Anya had been there. I walked to my second class only to find a note on the door saying it was cancelled. Absolute freedom!!! So I walked back and changed into my running clothes, which are my favorite because they're probably the most comfortable clothes in the world. I took a nice jog down...

Two weeks. I've never been so anxious or excited and I have no idea what to expect....Two weeks and I'll either put this entire thing behind or see everything ahead. 

Something that has been increasingly bothering me since the beginning of the semester here is this whole CGS concept. Granted, the requirements to get into CGS here are lower than say, CAS or SMG, but by no means does that ensue that I'm less intelligent or less driven. It pisses me off that the rest of the population here looks down at CGS students and thinks we just sit on our asses not learning anything and then claim to have a BU education. I work my ass off every single day, just as hard if not harder than everyone else here. It doesn't matter if a person applied directly into CGS or if they were placed here, the point is they're here and they're working. Never in my life have I ever been considered second rate and for the first time, I feel how other people have felt who are put down every day and honestly, I can see why teenagers have such low self esteem sometimes. Yesterday a comment was shot towards me about CGS and its students' "study habits." ...

I realized today while at the gym working off my hang over (yes, you CAN sweat out the alcohol) that it's been exactly one week since I ran my first half marathon. One week and another 13 miles. The marathon was probably one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. About 2 miles into it the adrenaline began to wear off and it began to dawn on me I had 11 more miles to go. Eleven. More. Miles. The thought pounded into my brain like my feet on the Cape Cod concrete and suddenly my calves didn't feel quite so strong, my back didn't keep quite so straight, and my music didn't seem to carry the right beat. My breathing got a little louder, a little more stressed. And all the people around me began to look more muscular. They would finish. I didn't stand a chance. I wanted to give up, make the right and head down the 10k track instead of the left to the half marathon. Maybe I would tell my mom I actually did the half marathon, she wouldn't know the differe...

Time will heal my wounds It's no the fear you will disappear from me It's the thought of never telling you a joke I heard or Calling you on my way home from work I still in the driveway for hours on end trying to understand So will you please get out of my head I can hardly breathe I can hardly move get out of my head